In high school, my friend's house was “the house.” You know, the house that always had a stocked pantry, fun basement, huge yard, and an open-door policy that the neighborhood kids probably took a little too literally.
It’s one of the places from my childhood where, when I close my eyes, I can still picture the souvenir magnets plastering the fridge, feel the blue plaid sofa perfectly worn in from Blockbuster movie nights, and recall the scent of scolding hot Tostino Pizza Rolls.
But since becoming a mother, the thing I think about most is a framed poem that hung in the laundry room. It was called “Children Learn What They Live” by Dorothy Law Nolte. It deserves to be read in full, but for the purpose of this blog, I’ve included a section:
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.
If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
Before becoming a mom, much of my identity was tethered to coaching high school field hockey. If you ran into me while running errands, odds are I was wearing team merch. If we struck up a conversation, I would find a way to bring up how the team was doing that season. My 9-5 job was what I did for a living, but coaching was what I did for me.
But becoming a mom means making sacrifices, right? After all, I was already commuting two hours a day, working 40+ hours a week, and still trying to be a good friend, wife, daughter, sister, etc… The thought of continuing a commitment requiring me to spend what little energy I had left on something other than my daughter felt selfish and…unmotherly.
Then I remembered Dorothy’s words, and my entire perspective shifted. I started to look at it as something my daughter would learn from. If my daughter lives with a mom who makes time for personal fulfillment, she will learn to prioritize her happiness. If she lives with a mom who is dedicated, she will learn passion. If she lives with a mom who relies on her village, she will learn community. If she lives with a mom who includes her, she will learn that her mom is more than a mom.
I am not lost on the fact that I am writing this during Maternal Mental Health Month; in fact, it was part of the inspiration. I love being a mom. I love being called “mom.” I cherish being a part of the mom community. But being a mom is just one part of who I am, and living this experience has given my kids the gift of learning that.
